Sunday, March 26, 2023

11032023

I just realised the other day, 

that it has been four years.


Four years of me questioning my inadequacies, 

living with insecurities and lack of self esteem;

just because my ex chose to call it quit 

to our engagement and married someone else.


It has been four years, 

of me believing that I am very difficult to be loved, 

but easy to be forgotten. 


I used to look at my past as if it was a misfortune.

But now, I realised, it was Allah’s biggest intervention,

a redirection to something far far better.


I did not marry my high school sweetheart,

who deeply I knew, 

wanted me to become a full time housewife-

fully aware that I have a Master’s Degree 

and eagerness to venture the world.


I would have been trapped in a misery life, 

if we were married.


I still believe in love,

I still want to be a mother.

But I also want to see the world,

I want to work, I want to teach, I want to have my own business.

And, raise my own family all at the same time.


So thank you Raudhah.

Thank you dearest self.

You said you wanted to try again.

Try living the life again, this time with Lord.

So you did, and you’re happy now Raudhah.


Send me Lord.

Send me someone ya Allah.

Who will return the energy,

reciprocate the sincerity,

and fiercely love me as much as I’ll love him.


Someone- who one day my kids will look up to, 

and beg their Baba to cuddle them endlessly because they know,

he is our safe heaven on earth.


Please ya Allah?


AR

11032023

En route from KUL to LHR

Friday, August 27, 2021

27082021

Someday, someone is going to see the brokenness in your heart and love you in spite of it. Because we are all a little broken, all a little dizzy, all a little mixed up in our past relationship, heartache and fear. 

We are all trying to navigate the waters of new love, trying to leave what’s behind us where it belongs, trying to find who we are without the people who hurt us, trying to let someone new in.

They are going to look you in the eyes and notice who you are as a person - not the relationship you’ve been in, not the lips you’ve kissed, not the decisions you’ve made, not the choices that brought you to where you are now - they will see your heart, hear you laugh, feel your touch, learn your mind, and love you for all that you are.

You will slowly be teaching one another that brokenness doesn’t define you, your worth, or the love that you are able to give or receive. What matter is not what you leave in your past, but where you are right now and the places the two of you dreaming of going, and the support that you give to one another to reach that.

That’s love.
At least that’s how I see love is.
Despite the brokenness that may have clouded my past, I choose to always see it as the purest gift from above.

AR 
27082021 12:07