11032023

I just realised the other day, 

that it has been four years.

Four years of me questioning my inadequacies, 

living with insecurities and lack of self esteem;

just because my ex chose to call it quit 

to our engagement and married someone else.

It has been four years, 

of me believing that I am very difficult to be loved, 

but easy to be forgotten. 

I used to look at my past as if it was a misfortune.

But now, I realised, it was Allah’s biggest intervention,

a redirection to something far far better.

I did not marry my high school sweetheart,

who deeply I knew, 

wanted me to become a full time housewife-

fully aware that I have a Master’s Degree 

and eagerness to venture the world.

I would have been trapped in a misery life, 

if we were married.

I still believe in love,

I still want to be a mother.

But I also want to see the world,

I want to work, I want to teach, I want to have my own business.

And, raise my own family all at the same time.

So thank you Raudhah.

Thank you dearest self.

You said you wanted to try again.

Try living the life again, this time with Lord.

So you did, and you’re happy now Raudhah.

Send me Lord.

Send me someone ya Allah.

Who will return the energy,

reciprocate the sincerity,

and fiercely love me as much as I’ll love him.

Someone- who one day my kids will look up to, 

and beg their Baba to cuddle them endlessly because they know,

he is our safe heaven on earth.

Please ya Allah?

AR

11032023

En route from KUL to LHR